Being Strong is Not My Superpower

Image by Sven Brandsma

I have often be described as a “strong woman”; whether that’s in business or in life in general. I can see why that description can be seen as empowering. It is after all an indication that I can withstand anything that life throws at me. It is an expression of fortitude that allows people to perceive me as being able to carry more than the average person. But I no longer wish to be considered “strong”. Not because I am not powerful in my own right or because I am not able to overcome any of the many challenges that life throws at me but to be honest my strength is not a superpower. I found that being seen as strong has often isolated me because people assume that I have it all together. Because of these assumptions and perceptions I then take it to mean that I cannot ask for the help that I sometimes need because if I’m consider weak who will help me? Studies in the USA have shown that the idea of the strong Black woman can lead to depression in some instances that is how damaging it can be. Another study looks at what it does to our overall health and well being combined with racial discrimination.

I no longer wish to be considered strong - there is nothing noble about carrying the burdens of life or trying to do more than I possibly can all because the world insists on viewing me as such.

I really like this quote from Surya Aisha which resonated deeply with me: "I am retiring from the idea of Strong Black Woman, instead I'm embracing soft, sick, tired - sometimes wobbly vulnerable Black woman." "The idea of 'doing' nothing but still 'being' something is a narrative I've attempted to swallow".

I think what I am really rejecting is not strength itself, but the expectation of strength. There is a profound difference between choosing to be resilient when life demands it and being expected to carry everything simply because people assume you can. Too often, the "strong Black woman" label becomes a way for society to admire our endurance while ignoring our needs. It becomes easier to praise our ability to cope than to ask whether we should have been carrying so much in the first place. Strength should not be the price Black women pay for respect and success. I am still ambitious, capable, determined and passionate but I am becoming increasingly comfortable with the idea that my value does not come from how much I can endure. It comes from who I am, not how much pain, pressure or responsibility I can absorb. Perhaps the most radical thing Black women can do in a world that constantly demands our resilience is to give ourselves permission to be human even if the world does not wish to humanise us.

So call me brave, call me courageous, call me Ronke but please resist the urge to call me strong.