I’m Not a Loser Just Because I Lost

Recently, I was turned down for a business opportunity that I was not only prepared for but it felt like a natural and well-earned next step in my journey. I was confident in my experience and it seemed to align with my goals.

One thing that kept creeping up though was a pressure to perform, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was having to prove myself despite knowing that I had been offered this opportunity directly because I already am more than capable.

So when I got told that I wasn’t quite the right fit my feelings were complicated. My ego immediately went into overdrive trying to protect myself by reminding me that I am worthy and it was “their loss”. But I am self-aware, sometimes too self-aware and was able to communicate where I had missed the mark and shared my thoughts with the potential client when asked which turned out to be exactly what they felt in their feedback. I had over-prepared and got into my own head and rather than relax I allowed a side of myself that felt the need to prove my worth take over. Unfortunately that didn’t align with who I know I am and what I know I can do because when I show up authentically I am a dynamic, vibrant leader and communicator. When I try to push myself to perform for approval my authentic self resists and things start to fall apart. When I feel like I’m having to convince people that I am great rather than simply showing up as great and having a conversation as to how I can plug into their space I struggle.

I was a little disappointed and despite knowing that my performance wasn’t a reflection of who I am, I felt frustrated with myself and thrown off course because surely at this stage in my business career winning should be a given right? After the initial wave of disappointment passed I reflected.

Rejection isn’t always about lack of talent or preparation. Sometimes it’s about timing. Sometimes it’s about the environment we walk into. Sometimes it’s the energy that you meet. Sometimes it’s just a bad day because you're human and not an infallible robot devoid of feelings. And sometimes it’s simply not your door; no matter how prepared you were to walk through it.

What did I learn? Feeling thrown off doesn’t mean I lost, it means I care and caring deeply is part of what makes us effective, resilient leaders. It’s easy to show up when everything’s going well. But sometimes the real growth comes when you don’t get what you THINK you want and you choose to keep going anyway with integrity, with intention and with a little more clarity about what you TRULY want. I also learnt that even the very best of us have down days, our favourite sports champions don’t always win and when they lose they don’t stop; they rest, recalibrate and move forward to win bigger next time. They use a loss as fuel to keep becoming better versions of themselves.

I also had to reaffirm within myself that I have a strong personal brand for a reason, that opportunity came to me, I did not seek it out which is a reflection that I have a strong reputation and I am more than worthy (read my testimonials if you would like some evidence).

I’m also learning that it’s OK to be vulnerable because I wasn’t going to write this but felt compelled to do so and I am glad that I did. The right opportunities will continue to find me when I’m in alignment, not just with those opportunities but with myself.