Beware of Confidence Killers

I have recently been faced with a few situations in which people have used their actions and unsolicited advice to dim my light, to kill my confidence so to speak. Initially I thought perhaps I was just being paranoid, surely everyone in my network has the best of intentions? But alas upon closer inspection I realised that the confidence killers only surface when I am trying to do something to improve my progress and better myself.  There’s a distinction here between constructive feedback and confidence killing comments. I strongly believe that feedback is essential for growth and development and will never be too proud to accept it, however there is a line that can be drawn when this feedback is really just another way to tell a person to “stay in their lane” and not grow beyond their current point.

Confidence Killers

Here’s how to spot a “Confidence Killer”:

  • They will make you think that they’re helping you by convincing you that you’re not ready/good enough.
  • They will make you think that you have to be perfect to get anywhere in life and they’ll keep reminding you of that fact.
  • They will quietly convince you to slow down as you make progress in your own life just in case you overtake them.
  • They will make their guidance seem friendly at first but beware their motives. They’re not always easy to spot.

So beware of confidence killers, they come in many shapes and sizes and they walk among us.

What have been your experiences of Confidence Killers? How have you handled them?


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  1. December 8, 2015 / 12:56 pm

    Nice post Ronke. Confidence killers really try to impress their fears on you, because they can't thnk it, they find it difficult to believe it. I have been burned many times, now I mind the people I share my plans with, its better for them to see than engage them in the process.

    • December 8, 2015 / 5:44 pm

      Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment. I love what you said here "because they can't think it, they find it difficult to believe it."

  2. December 28, 2015 / 8:27 pm

    I love this a lot! More often, it's those close to us, those you would normally get cheers from who act as confidence killers. You don't always see it for that because you would've always trusted their advice. Great post Ronke

    • December 29, 2015 / 12:24 pm

      Thank you so much for this comment. Sometimes it's the people who think they are protecting us from failure who are blocking our progress.